October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic violence is a major justice and peace issue for our communities of faith.

In the first reading, Isaiah presents God’s vision for a lavishly productive vineyard. The fertile field is cleared of stones and the choicest vines are planted. But instead of a crop of good grapes, wild grapes grew up. "The vineyard is the house of Israel and the people of Judah his cherished plant;" God expected justice but instead bloodshed (violence). Perhaps, we should apply these words to our time, particularly to marriage. God expects marriage to continue to be the sign and reality of divine love, to create families where respect and service prevail. Instead, what we see all too often is violence and abuse. Isaiah’s critique reminds me of the desperate cries of so many women victims of domestic violence in our communities and our nation.

October is the Domestic Violence Awareness month, a time to reflect on the tears of so many women and children who suffer, often in secret, from devastating abuse in their homes. There can be no doubt that our compassionate Lord Jesus wants us not only to dry those tears but help the victims of domestic violence find liberation and peace from the abuse they suffer.

In our first reading Isaiah presents God’s vision of a mountain where peace and justice reign. There will be feasting on rich food and pure, choice wines. Death will be destroyed and every tear will be wiped away. Undoubtedly, we all aspire to such a paradise where all people are united in mutual respect and love. Unfortunately, we live in a much less perfect world. Indeed, tears abound among the poor and oppressed.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and today we reflect on the tears of so many women and children who suffer, often in secret, from devastating abuse in their homes. There can be no doubt that our compassionate Lord Jesus wants us not only to dry those tears but help the victims of domestic violence find liberation and peace from the abuse they suffer.

In our first reading, God chooses Cyrus, king of Persia, as the unlikely liberator of the Israelites from the Exile and Captivity. God makes use of him and his army to free Israel from the domination of the Babylonians, to bring justice and liberation to the chosen people. God works in strange ways to advance the cause of the reign of justice and peace in the world.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I would like us to reflect on how God is calling us to reach out beyond ourselves to liberate God’s chosen ones, women and children suffering domestic violence.

October 26: Exodus While the Israelites wandered in the desert, God made a covenant with them. He promised to protect them, and in return he expected that they would follow his law. In the first reading from Exodus today, we hear a portion of that law, which is heavily focused on matters of justice. Today God says: "You shall not molest or oppress the foreigner, for you were once foreigners yourselves in the land of Egypt." On another key area of justice, we hear God direct: "If you lend money to one of your poor neighbors, you shall not act like an extortionist toward him." This directive responds directly to the unjust economic system which ended up enslaving a large portion of the Israelites through a system of indebtedness.

Our God is a God of justice, a God who cares for the poor and the oppressed. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I have no doubt that God wants us to respond to the cry of women and children victims of domestic violence.

When we examine the statistics about domestic violence, it is surprising to learn how common it is. Most victims try to hide their abuse from family and friends, and even their doctor and priest. They suffer in secret, behind closed doors, often embarrassed by their abuse.

In fact, domestic violence is rampant in our society. The statistics prove it is of epidemic proportions.

-Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in the United States.

Many women victims of domestic violence are unaware they are victims. They think their husbands just get angry or are strong-willed; they may excuse a violent outburst because their husbands later apologize and ask for forgiveness.

Perhaps they are unaware they are victims because their definition of domestic violence only includes physical violence. In fact, domestic violence is a behavior pattern based on the use of power and control of one person over another. Abusers use different forms of abuse to exercise their control; it may take the form physical, verbal or emotional, economical and sexual abuse.

It is commonly thought that domestic violence is more prevalent in certain ethnic communities, such as among Hispanics and Afro Americans. Social research demonstrates, however, that the incidence of domestic violence is practically the same across ethnic as well as social class lines.

Recently the staff of a suburban parish in the Archdiocese of Chicago, which is predominantly white, with some Hispanic and Philippine membership, wanted to asses the problem of domestic violence in their community. They conducted a survey among their female members. 175 women responded.

When asked whether they thought domestic violence was a problem among parishioners, 77% said they were not sure; only 9% said it was a very serious problem. Overall, most respondents were unconvinced of the gravity of the problem. But most understood that domestic violence involves more than physical violence. More than 90% agreed that name-calling, threats, frequent checking up on their partner and excessive control of their finances were also forms of domestic violence.

However, when asked if they were currently in or had been in an abusive relationship, 63% said never, but nearly 30% said yes they were or had been. That is nearly 1 in 3 women said they had or were experiencing domestic violence. When asked what kind of abuse they suffered, 79% said verbal or emotional, 28% physical, and 24% financial.

The conclusion of the survey demonstrates that although the women were unsure whether domestic violence is a problem in the parish, one third identified themselves as victims. This, of course, would mean that among us here today, we have victims of domestic violence. Our heart goes out to you in your pain and suffering. We want to extend to you our concern and offer our support for you in your struggle to free yourselves from violence.

Male abusers do not easily abandon their violent ways. They need to be challenged and held accountable for their actions. Some abusers will excuse themselves by blaming alcohol or drugs, or perhaps they claim it’s the stress that makes them violent or the abuse they suffered as children. All these factors may very well aggravate their violence but they are not the cause. Some men even blame their victims, claiming that if their partners were better wives or house keepers, better mothers or more responsible, they themselves wouldn’t get so mad. Basically they are blaming the victim, when the real reason for their abuse is their desire to exercise power and control over their partner.

Most women victims of domestic violence struggle to liberate themselves from their abuser. But it’s difficult to accomplish. Often we don’t understand why they just don’t pick up and leave their abusers. But it is not easy. Let’ review some of the many reasons why women victims do not leave.

Unfortunately, our church has in some ways been complicit in this epidemic of domestic violence. We have not spoken out against it. I am sure very few of you have ever heard a sermon about domestic violence. (Those who have can raise their hands.) We have preached plenty about the permanency of marriage but hardly at all that no one deserves to be abused and that no one should stay in an abusive relationship. Certainly abusers are quick to quote scripture to justify their power and control. They distort the Word by insisting women were created to serve men and that wives must be subject to their husbands.

Today as we hear our scriptures, we must set the record straight. The church rejects all forms of domestic violence and urges women to protect themselves and their children, even if that means a separation and divorce from their abusers. Our church must help to protect them and assist them in freeing themselves from the violence.

As a community of faith we reach out to every victim of domestic violence. We encourage you to come out of the shadows and seek help. We want to support you in your struggle for peace. We want you to be safe and free, filled with love, joy and hope for the future.

Many of us here today know someone who is experiencing domestic violence. We need to assure them they do not deserve such abuse. Tell them you are concerned about their safety and their children’s and they have a right to be safe. We need to listen to them and respect their decisions, but assure them that we will support them whenever they decide to leave their abuser.

Story: At some point in the homily, the preacher should add a personal story of a woman victim of domestic violence. Here is a sample:

A woman came to see me last week. She asked me to talk to her husband because he was drinking a lot. I asked her how he was treating her. "Not well," she said. "Does he use bad language on you?" "Yes," she replied. "What words

does he use?" "He calls me stupid and even worse names," which I can’t mention in the pulpit. "Does he hit you?" "No, not recently." "How long ago did he hit you?" "Three months ago." "How did he hit you?" "With his fist, but he apologized the next day and hasn’t hit me since. "Does your family know about this?" "No, I am ashamed to tell them." "Do you have anyone to talk to or support you?" "No" she said. "Well," I said, "you don’t deserve to be treated this way, and I want to support you. I’ll bet you don’t feel very good about yourself, do you?" "No," she said. "Well, I want you to talk to a counselor to build up your self-esteem and make you strong enough so you can confront your husband and figure out whether you will stay with him or free yourself from this terrible abuse. If your husband wants to talk to me, I would be happy to."

Another story: "A man called and asked me to meet with him and his wife because they were having problems. When we met, he immediately began to accuse his wife of infidelity. "Every time we go out, she is looking at other women. And just last week when I came home from work, I found the back door open. I know she had a man in the house." I asked the husband to step out for a minute and talked to his wife alone. I asked her if he had always been this jealousy. "Oh, yes, Father. We have been married for ten years, and we have three children, it’s always the same." I asked her whether during the dating he was also jealous. "Yes, he was. I thought the jealousy would disappear when we married because he would be together most of the time. But, in fact, nothing changed." In fact, jealousy was not the issue at hand but rather its use as a form of control over her. "Has he ever hit you?" I asked. "Yes, she said, but not but not for a while." "How long ago was the last time?" I asked. "About three months ago." I asked if she worked, and she said he won’t let her. I asked if she has enough money for the household, and she answered that he doles out money very stingily; she always has to beg for it. "Does he call you bad names or use bad language with you?" "Father," she said, "I can‘t mention the words he uses on me, there so bad." This woman is a victim of domestic violence in a number of ways: physical, emotional and economic.

October 5 God expects marriage to continue to be the sign and reality of divine love, to create families where respect and service prevail. However, if the prophet Isaiah looked at many marriages today, he would cry out "violence." His outcry reminds us of the desperate cries of so many women victims of domestic violence in our communities and our nation. We must hear their plea. As individuals and as church, we can and should be God’s messengers of love, liberation and peace for these women who endure the torment of domestic violence and have nearly lost hope. Let us be sensitive but strong in our response; let us be compassionate but firm in our resolve to bring God’s liberating grace to so many victims of domestic violence.

October 12 Through Isaiah’s words God offers a vision of a mountain where peace and justice reign. There will be feasting on rich food and pure, choice wines. Death will be destroyed and every tear will be wiped away. Our Lord Jesus wants us not only to dry those tears but help the victims of domestic violence find liberation and peace from the abuse they suffer. As individuals and as church, we can and should be God’s messengers of love, liberation and peace for these women who endure the torment of domestic violence and have nearly lost hope. Let us be sensitive but strong in our response; let us be compassionate but firm in our resolve to bring God’s liberating grace to so many victims of domestic violence.

We, as individuals and as church, can and should be God’s messengers of love, liberation and peace for these women who endure the torment of domestic violence and have nearly lost hope. Let us be sensitive but strong in our response; let us be compassionate but firm in our resolve to bring God’s liberating grace to so many victims of domestic violence.

October 19: As God chose Cyrus, king of the Philistines, as the unlikely liberator of the Israelites, God calls us to reach out to those who suffer in our time. As individuals and as church, we can and should be God’s messengers of love, liberation and peace for these women who endure the torment of domestic violence and have nearly lost hope. Let us be sensitive but strong in our response; let us be compassionate but firm in our resolve to bring God’s liberating grace to so many victims of domestic violence.

October 26: While the Israelites wandered in the desert, God made a covenant with them. He promised to protect them, and in return he directed them to live a life of justice and compassion.

God hears the cry of the poor and oppressed, the widow and orphan but also women victims of domestic violence. We need to open our ears to their cries and respond with the same understanding that Jesus should to all who suffer injustice. As individuals and as church, we can and should be God’s messengers of love, liberation and peace for women who endure the torment of domestic violence and have nearly lost hope. Let us be sensitive but strong in our response; let us be compassionate but firm in our resolve to bring God’s liberating grace to so many victims of domestic violence.